Monday, March 20, 2006

Between sand and sky

boots crunch on the sandy soil
the dog's collar jingles as he
runs silently over the dry grass
wind whips across the hill
snatching the sounds of breathing —
carrying the shrill scream of a hawk

a high, sharp silhouette
solitary against the clouds
lit by the lowering sun
banks of cream, rose, lavender, grey
where the hawk writes poems
upon the closing of each day

I whisper to the ground, to the wind
to the hawk, to the sun
and if and when our boots
may fall together on some path
the wind knows, as we all will know
somewhere between sand and sky

20 Comments:

Blogger Sky said...

Oh, MB, this is just beautiful imagery.

(BTW, Thanks for your links on this page which I constantly use to surf.)

3/20/2006 10:16 AM  
Blogger T L Reynolds said...

MB,
something strikes me about the image of the dog. It has an eerie quality. I think the way you present it (the dog is silent, the collar makes the sound)creates an almost supernatural feeling that segues beautifully into the rest of the piece.

3/20/2006 10:48 AM  
Blogger Firehawk said...

MB,

I approve, especially of the hawk. The images here are well drawn and vivid.

3/20/2006 11:33 AM  
Blogger Rexroth's Daughter said...

I love the line where the hawk writes poems. Yes. Beautiful.

3/20/2006 11:49 AM  
Blogger Brenda said...

It's just me, but I find the first two verses complete in themselves. Especially with the rhyme... which sort of seals the thought. I like the two images just together, lying against each other, earth and sky, dog and hawk. For me, then, the last verse doesn't seem to add to the power of the first two. Your images, as ever, vivid and there is a rush of Spring wind throughout. Those stanzas - it's just me... xo

3/20/2006 11:56 AM  
Blogger Brenda said...

It's just me, but I find the first two verses complete in themselves. Especially with the rhyme... which sort of seals the thought. I like the two images just together, lying against each other, earth and sky, dog and hawk. For me, then, the last verse doesn't seem to add to the power of the first two. Your images, as ever, vivid and there is a rush of Spring wind throughout. Those stanzas - it's just me... xo

3/20/2006 11:56 AM  
Blogger alan said...

Speaking to and of nature; you do it so vividly!

alan

3/20/2006 12:15 PM  
Blogger Lhombre said...

Fabulous contrast of aural and visual textures! It places "...when our boots may fall together on some path the wind knows,..." into the dissonance that ,for me, characterizes the unknown! Crunch...crunch....crunch...stepping to the sound of the unknown! The possible! Yes, very cool azulejo.

3/20/2006 1:57 PM  
Blogger Lhombre said...

That was some walk!

3/20/2006 1:58 PM  
Anonymous beth said...

Beautiful poem and image. I tend to agree with Brenda: the poem feels complete in the first two stanzas; what you explain in teh third is already implied in the others. The poem-writing hawk is a marvelous image and so strong - you could leave us right there. (I'm always guilty of explaining too much, so this is me criticizing myself too!)

3/20/2006 2:11 PM  
Blogger Lhombre said...

Ah...I am going to respectfully disagree with beth. I still hold to what I said above. I think the entire poem rests on the contrast of an exitential question about the unknown. Now...I know that I can drown in vebosity so I will try and keep my water wings on!

3/20/2006 2:30 PM  
Blogger MB said...

And I'm going to agree with all three of you! Brenda and Beth are picking up, I think, on a sense of completeness that is arrived at by the end of the second stanza. There is a kind of full stop there. However, Lhombre is completely correct in picking up on the question about the unknown that is raised in the third stanza and not previously. I think there is a flaw somewhere here... maybe having to do with the "sound of the unknown" (as Lhombre put it completely accurately) not being well enough developed, or maybe not differentiated enough from the previous. Or maybe it's simply the question of flow & rhythm, that the full stop needs to be more strongly offset by a stronger emphasis at the close. I don't know yet. But this is a great discussion that picks up precisely on a sense of discomfort I had when posting it. It's not a perfect poem (imagine that!) and needs some bit of tweaking. So my thanks to you all for validating my instincts!

And yeah, it was some walk. ;-)

3/20/2006 3:09 PM  
Blogger Mary said...

As always MB your imagery is sensitive and beautiful.

I am going to go down the middle on this one. I think it works either with or without the last stanza. Perhaps all that is needed is some kind of separation between the second and third verses ... a dotted line, a -oOo- ? (don't know the word for this!!!)

So that the first two stanzas are seen to be a unit with the third slightly separate from them but still a part of the whole?

It is beautiful though just as it is.

3/20/2006 9:59 PM  
Blogger Endment said...

I don’t have the expertise to analyze the poem.
It speaks to my heart
The words paint images that linger in my mind

The first two verses let me soar
The last lets me know it can happen again

Thank you for this poem…
I plan to memorize it.

3/21/2006 4:25 AM  
Blogger mermaid said...

I liked the image of the wind collecting all sounds, remixing them, and then throwing them back out into the world as a new song.

3/21/2006 6:29 PM  
Blogger MB said...

Sky, thanks. I'm glad you enjoy the links. You remind me that I need to update them.

TLR, isn't that interesting? I thought so, too. This poem works off what is happening with the sounds, so it provides a realistic but also theatrical twist.

Firehawk, for you of all people to approve of the hawk, I appreciate!

RD, thank you.

Brenda, no it's not just you, as you see. There is something there I will have to figure out, as I described in my response above.

Alan, thank you. Your warm presence is always welcome here.

Lhombre, como siempre, you are perceptive and get to the heart of my poem. Gracias, chico.

Beth, as I mentioned above, I think you raise a valid concern. But I think the answer lies not in eliminating the last stanza but in something else... not sure yet what. Because while the poem could stand with just the two stanza -- in my head anyway! -- the last stanza is something distinct and different, if I can find the way to show that.

Mary, thank you. I appreciate your sensitive observations, too. I'll find the solution eventually.

Endment, I certainly don't expect analysis from all readers. Your summary of what the poem does for you is a gift. Your response honors me greatly and I value you it very much.

3/21/2006 6:38 PM  
Blogger MB said...

Mermaid, yes! the wind who collects the sounds, the stories, sings the songs... and knows...

3/21/2006 8:10 PM  
Blogger Lori Witzel said...

Beautiful.

Me?
The first two stanzas are glorious fact.
The last is the alchemy -- the person, moved.

Thanks so much for the poem, it brought back smells of hills and grass and dog from my own lovely walks.

3/22/2006 4:22 AM  
Blogger MB said...

Lori, thank you.

3/22/2006 9:25 AM  
Blogger Thunderowl said...

Is it just me or do any of you think thet this poem is almost unearthly? I mean, its almost supernatural... :p

5/15/2006 1:48 PM  

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